When I began to work on the recent orchestral commission from the Knoxville Symphony Orchestra, as usual, I began composing by outlining a logical structure and detailed description of the chapters. I quickly produced a series of sketches, though aimless and unresolved, but at least ones I could potentially mold into my predetermined narrative. I even had a title.
But something was not right. I found myself knocking at a brick wall and felt the music pulling me in a different direction.
I should have paid attention earlier, especially since in recent months, I experimented with allowing the music to surprise me and to guide me to places I wouldn’t ordinarily venture out on my own. It took a while to let go of my original ideas, but when I finally capitulated, things started to fall into place and the drafts I had previously discarded as outlandish, began to arrange themselves in a sequence I hadn’t considered before.
I was suddenly consumed with the newfound sonic world. Listening and writing became the only worthwhile activities. My optimal schedule of working a prescribed number of hours per day became meaningless and I found myself raptured by this strange, wild, foreign, mysterious world, this music that decided to overtake me.
I am afraid to speak about it. No one has heard it or seen any sketches. I cannot share much more beyond the fact that I have followed the strange light at the end of the tunnel and emerged on the other side, now ready to engrave the score and extract the parts.
I am still suspended in wonderment by what I have heard. Not in a proud but in a startling kind of way. Is it still me? What is me? Did I write it? Did it write itself? Does it reflect who I am? Does it have to reflect me? Does it have to reflect anything?
The title did not land on my lap. It precipitated into my brain by osmosis over a couple of weeks, like a faint echo of a memory. I asked the music, “Is this who you are? Is this what you want to be?” I didn’t hear a reply, I only felt a soft persistence.
Learn about the completed piece here: The Lure of the Flowering Fern
